Monkey Spanker Review

The, cheekily named, Monkey Spanker is a male masturbator but, unlike sex toys with a tube design, this is more like a paddle in shape. Rightly or wrongly, it reminds me of those wooden bats with a bouncy ball attached to it via a piece of elastic and, amusingly, the action required to work the vibrator is not dissimilar either. The toy arrives in an unremarkable plastic sleeve complete with four batteries, the vibrating bullet and somewhat superfluous instructions – since when did men need hints on masturbation?

It is available in either black or white and is really very simple in design. The penis pushes through the soft stretchy pad, which is then worked along the shaft by holding the other end of the paddle. The material is medical grade for ‘real feel performance’ and feels quite similar to the jelly coating on many normal vibrators. The removable vibrating bullet is powered by small 1.5v batteries that are super easy to load. Just unscrew the cap, drop two batteries in, tighten the top and slot into the base of the toy. The vibrations are, in truth, not staggering and as much pleasure can be gained without the use of the bullet. Which is great news if you should ever run out of batteries.

The size is perfect, much less cumbersome than many other male masturbators. Being about 7” long, 3“ wide and only half an inch thick, this Monkey Spanker can pretty much go wherever you do and no one would be any the wiser. In terms of storage, it could easily slip inside an empty DVD case or under a mattress. The noise is no louder than any other sex toy I have ever sampled, though my partner thought it was a bit noisy which slightly put him off his stroke when using alone. For just under £18.00 this is a great little item. It’s a perfect gift idea as so often it is women who are on the receiving end of naughty stocking fillers. And, if an ulterior motive were needed, it nicely alleviates the problem of possible hand cramp!

My partner, having never used a male masturbator before, said the sensation was ‘different’ but extremely pleasurable. There is lots of room for experimentation, using different speeds and techniques to either delay or speed up his climax, which, whenever it arrives, is definitely one to remember.

As the packaging advises, make sure you use lots of (water based) lube. The nature of the material means if it starts to dry out there could be snagging and friction issues but with oodles of lubrication you’re good to go. The Monkey Spanker is also a great couples sex toy as it can be used as a cock ring to enhance oral or full sex. It comes highly recommended and it’s something you’ll want to use again and again. The fact that we’re on the second set of batteries in a fortnight is testament to that!