The Rise Of The Sexpert

Why does every sex toy store you come across feel compelled to extol the generous services of their resident sexpert. The honoured title has now become a recognised credential in itself; an amalgamation of celebrity & sexual advisor that makes Sarah Palin look like Felicity Kendall.

Whether all knowing celebrity ‘sex expert’ willing to wax lyrical on the sexual preferences of today’s woman or the Gillian Mckeith of rabbit vibrators proffering the secrets of female orgasm: Dr Who??

Worst still the knowledgeable man in white coat holding an object of vaginal insertion invoking the very non- sexual memory of my last smear test.
Why are we inundated with these Trinny & Susanna’s of the female orgasm & couples sex therapy; the bullies of the sexual playground, oracles of the orgasm & saviours of the sex toy & its uses. Lets face it what qualifies these corporate faces of the sex toy companies to advise you on the workings of your own body?

It is down to one thing our sexual doubt & its money making propensities. Our lack of confidence when it comes to copulation, inadequacies regarding our erotic effort & anxieties about pleasing our partners all leads us to the saviours of our sex lives
ever willing to set the standards for female & couples pleasure.

The problem I have with this approach is that the ‘sexpert’ only serves to re-inforce our niggling doubts & raise the bar when it comes to your own expectations.

I read a sexperts column on an online adult shop the other day which informed the reader of ‘how to achieve an orgasm every time’ What!! I immediately went into insecurity melt down with mental images of every other woman in the country enjoying full blown Meg Ryan gasps of orgasmic ecstasy every evening with her partner whilst we collapsed exhausted most nights on the sofa after grabbing a bite to eat & a glass of red before passing out.

They sit on the web page with full make up, crisp tailoring & not a hair out of place. An online version of the super mum you avoid in the playground for fear of hearing about gifted children, massive job promotion, multiple orgasms in 3 seconds & the ability to make her man come by telepathy alone.

Introducing such helpful advice on female orgasm is like going to Victoria Beckam for diet advice – you are never going to feel thin enough.

Who took the sexy out of sex toys? The sex toy industry is a growing market & a very lucrative one. Becoming the subject of grand marketing schemes fundamentally undermines our sexual confidence & turns your own genitalia into a black art.

Ultimately only you have the angle on your dangle. Sex toys are all about being in
a comfortable place with your own sexuality & respecting that of your lover. A healthy sex life is about fun, lust, sexiness, enjoyment & pleasure not pressure.

Know thyself make the right effort & take time to play. Taking time to explore yourself is where the answers lie & devote time to understanding what you & your partner both want in a relationship.
This is just the point we all have differing libido’s, different bodies, different minds & your sexual experience is your own to develop.

If Baz Lurman stated that beauty magazines make you feel ugly do sexpert’s lower your libido? I’m not talking about the many helpful guides out there but they are just that. Guides to start you off on the right track when it comes to questions about your own body & sexual experiences.

Rely on your own experience & trust your body, please don’t imagine that the neighbours are having more sex than you or that my orgasms go off the climax scale for pleasure & intensity as compared to yours.

Sex is about fun. Experimenting, indulging, satisfying, achieving gratification, releasing inhibitions, exploring, discovering. Above all else, trust in your capabilities & your lover’s desires.

And finally, in the words of my favourite fantasy sexpert Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) from sex & the city.

“If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. And at the same time have our hands free”
“You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing”